Very little of this space has been dedicated to Katie lately. It seems that after six years the horrible loss that once took my breath away, that filled every minute’s thought, has become just part of my story. Dealing with Autism has an everyday appearance in my life, and so it consumes me more. The fact is that Katie dying was a singular event, a horrible, life shattering, wish it had never happened, if only it could have been different, why God?, singular event. Six years later I’ve lived through it, and I can be happy again. I would have never thought that possible in the early days (month’s, years?), but it is, and I am grateful for happiness. I’m not “over it”, as I suspect some would be relieved to hear me say, I’m simply 6 1/2 years through it.
Our darling Kate is thought of often, with joy more often these days, which is nice. Tonight was Thanksgiving and she was missed. I can only imagine how she would fit at our dinning room table. Kyle and I spent some time talking about her this evening, and the truth is, had Katie lived we likely wouldn’t have the kids we have today, we wouldn’t live at this house, and even our dining room table would be different too. None the less, I like to imagine her as though she would have fit into this family,and this life.
October is Baby loss awareness month, October 15 is the international remembrance day for the same cause. So I think of her more often this month. When I log on to facebook about half the people I “converse” with have an emblem for the cause as their avatar. In fact about 1/2 of my friends, maybe more, have lost a baby, it’s a strong connector.
So whether you’ve lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death, or you know someone who has, it is a day to remember all the tiny people who hardly had any time on this Earth. If you are reading this I’m asking you to light a candle for Katie, whether you knew her or not:
Everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th at 7pm in ALL TIME ZONES.
If everyone lights a candle at 7pm and keeps the candle burning for a least 1 hour, there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
For more information please visit http://www.october15th.com/
If you have lost a baby there is also a great site where you can post your picture as “The face of pregnancy and infant loss” it also adds your baby(ies) name(s) to a wall of remembrance. It is, of course, an American site with American stats, but is incredibly moving. http://www.iamtheface.org/
And hey if you are going to light, or lit a candle for Katie it would do my heart some good if you say so in the comments box.