living after the death of a baby, living with Autism, living as a family of six, living on our organic homestead, living miserably, hopefully, and with joy, and somedays just living

They Think I’m Beautiful

August 08 2011

These are the photos of me I like best.  Blurry photos, or ones that are highly over exposed. They wash out my flaws, or make them invisible with motion blur.

I am a harsh critic.

It’s why I almost never turn the camera on myself.  It’s why when others take photo’s of me I am very uncomfortable.  I don’t like being on the other side of the camera.  I have no control. I don’t get to delete.

And yet when my children grab hold of the camera, they often chose me to snap pictures of.  I don’t want to rub off  my insecurities, I want them to be fearlessly self-confident, so I let them snap away happily, excited they get to play with Mom’s toy.  Then they pull up the album, and show me the best ones they took.   They tell me how beautiful I look, and what great pictures they take, and I agree with them.  I hold back the criticisms about not having my hair washed, the stain on my shirt,  the unplucked eyebrows, and the other endless things I don’t like about me.

They think I’m beautiful.

I am what they want to capture on “film”, they see me as so much more than I deserve.  I think I should try to see me through their eyes a little more often.

*photo taken by Petra age 6

All Hipstamatic settings chosen by her as well

Lens – Chunky

Film – Ina’s 1935

Flash – off

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Comments on: "They Think I’m Beautiful" (7)

  1. First of all, I’d like to say how glad I am to see that you wrote another blog post! I have missed your introspection and eloquence with words! Thank you for filling my ‘Erron’s blog’ craving!!!

    Second, your kids are not the only people who know you are beautiful. Anyone who has met you can see that. Before you expose your wonderful personality and the strength that you have, anyone can see how beautiful you are.

    And, while I totally understand the preference to be behind the camera than in front of it, and I get that we are all our worst critics, embrace that camera Erron!

    • Thank you Monica. What lovely things to say I can’t wait for you to come home, so we can hang out.

      As for my blog, some time passed since posting, and I started to think about what I wanted my blog to be, what it has essentially become and suddenly I was unsure of what was postable. I started the year thinking I would post weekly, and then work on knitting took up all the hours in my evening. I do not have enough time. I feel inspired after tonight to write more, a quick post about the beauty my children see in me may have done it. Just don’t count on it 😉

  2. doihavetothink said:

    Your kids are not wrong, you ARE beautiful. I understand the ‘harsh critic’ thing totally, but it’s time to let that go. The harsh critic is wrong, the kids are right.

    • Many Thanks. I’m working on letting it go. I used to be that person that jumped out of photos. Now I want my kids to have all kinds of pictures of me. Ones with my hair done, and ones of me on the picnic bench stuffing a hotdog in my face. Because when all that my kids have left of me are photographs I want there to be many…and let’s face it the me they are going to know in their memories isn’t going to be the woman in the portrait, it’s gonna be the hotdog shoveler. 😉

  3. I loved reading this post. I felt like you climbed into my head before you wrote it. Most of the pictures that we have of me were taken by my children. They take pictures of me in my pyjamas or with a mouthful of food or when I’m sweaty from working in the garden, and they are so pleased with the pictures. They think Mommy is pretty no matter what I look like. Maybe we need to see ourselves through the eyes of children.

  4. I love that your blog so often mimics feelings that many other mom’s have. Luckily for you your outsides glow with beauty as much as who you are on the inside 🙂 too bad for mom’s that we can’t see ourselves through our children’s eyes!

  5. hey sexy lookin’ lady 😉 Just because a thought is in your head doesn’t make it correct.

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