living after the death of a baby, living with Autism, living as a family of six, living on our organic homestead, living miserably, hopefully, and with joy, and somedays just living

So this funny thing happened.  People read my blog.  People I don’t know.  Why am I surprised you may be asking yourself.  Well you know, I’ve had a few comments from strangers and I never could figure out how they got here.  I have search engines blocked, so they would have had to click from a friends blog roll, I think.  I always found it intriguing that my life would be of any interest to anyone other that those who know me, but I guess it is on some level.  I know Cliff’s sister Pam read a few of my posts during last years summer blog challenge, and had some super sweet and supportive comments, she was my first unfamiliar commenter.  Since then there have been a handful of others, some I could trace back to other people, others I couldn’t.

Every year I do a Summer bog challenge, the goal is to write 30 posts in 30 days.  I like it because it gets me writing, but also because I get to read the awesome blogs of the other bloggers who join the challenge.  One blogger is Chad, who is more of a friend of a friend.  We would hang out sometimes in a group, but he’d never call me on the phone and vice versa.  I like Chad, he’s one of the politest people I know.  One of his posts Summer Blog Challenges was about finding his sisters blog Over The Not so White Picket Fence and learning that she had been reading his blog and some of his friends’ too.  Now I figured that likely didn’t mean me, boy was I wrong.  This was the most recent post when I clicked over:  Greatful. It was a post about me.

Then my cousin’s wife asked if she could recommend my blog from hers and wrote this post Sending out a S.O.S using one of my posts to write about her.

So two people wrote about me, two people I didn’t know read my blog.  And they were moved by it.  This lead me to question weather I should make my blog public.  Not that I thought hundreds of people would flock to my sporadically written blog, but I am worried about what sorts of comments I might get.  I’m sensitive.   Some of my writings have some personal opinions, some of which I don’t want to have to defend to a stranger who doesn’t know me.  Two nights ago though I did open it to search engines. I figure if I can touch someone else’s life then it’s worth it, and who knows who will touch mine (thanks Lisa for the kind email).

I would like to say that my life isn’t all woe or hard fought struggles.  It’s pretty amazing sometimes, I’m truly loved by my husband, and the troubles in our marriage are small we argue about dishes, not infidelity.  My kids are sparkling little humans, they radiate pure childlike love, and I am so grateful for each of them.  I live in a beautiful house and we want for very little.  Sometimes I do question why me, why must I endure so much?  And while I may be Lisa’s example of why she should be grateful, I have a mom-friend who makes me feel as though I have it easy.  She lost a baby boy named Cody, has an extended family who walks all over her, has a son with Autism, who doesn’t speak, and is feed via G-tube (that they are having some complications with) because of a second diagnosis of Eosinophilic Esophagitis, she has put herself in financial peril to provide her son with treatment and therapy, and because she lives in the states she pays for it out of pocket.  If you have heard me complain that it costs us over 10k a year to give Eli the therapy he needs, and felt badly for us, she would love for it to be just 10k a year, they pay 2k a month.   I would send you over to her blog, Recovering Brady, so you could read about her life these days, but if she has had time to blog recently, you can add that to the reasons why she is my hero.

Angela, you have it hard, I think of you all the time, I often daydream that if I came by a big chunk of money I’d send you plane tickets for your family to come stay with us, so I could take care of you for a while.  Maybe one day it will happen, I wish there was some way for me to make your life easier. You are no Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie.

Oh and if you’re wondering what the heck Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie is here you go: Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie. (Oh and by the way Lisa, I’m totally Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie about that subject I’m convinced it’s the other shoe that’s waiting to drop in my life)

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Comments on: "I’m Totally Stealing: Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie" (2)

  1. You can totally steal Pansie wussy bambi pie, and for the record you are not one 🙂 You are an inspiration to me, and to anyother moms just trying to make it through our days!

  2. Erron, I have followed and read your and Kyle’s blogs in what can only be described as a stalker like fashion for the last 2 years. 🙂 I love what you have to say. I am so inspired by your honest reflection on yourself and your struggles. I rejoice in your triumphs and respect how you deal with your tragedies. Everything I have read makes me wish that I had spent more time with you and Kyle when we were closer to each other, and makes me determined to make those efforts when we live closer again. Thank you for sharing this part of you, and letting us have this glimpse of your family.

    And you also help me be thankful for all that I have. Both because of your losses, but mostly because of your ability to be thankful for what you have too!

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