living after the death of a baby, living with Autism, living as a family of six, living on our organic homestead, living miserably, hopefully, and with joy, and somedays just living

About me

I want to reply to Shaun’s comment from In Reply, but it’s too heavy tonight, and it requires too much thinking.  So instead I worked on improving my blog, I created categories, I’m going to add to the menu, and I finally wrote something in the about me section. Yes, it had been empty until today.  This blog will never be anything, but templated, I don’t have Chad’s mad skills, but it’s a bit more complete.

I would tell you to go to About Me and read it there and count it as my post for today, but incase some counter thingy does get done (I don’t mind if it doesn’t) I want tonight to count, so here it is regurgitated, please place comments, if you care to, in the about me section not here, if you don’t mind.

About Me

I left this empty for a very long time.  I hate ‘about me’ pages.  I open them, and look blankly at the screen.  What do people want to know about me?  What is there to know even?

Often pages like these tend to be somewhat bullet pointed:

Stay at home mother, by choice, to 4 awesome kids, attachment parent loving, Autism mom, blah blah blah, but you know all of that from the title

So, then there’s the flaky useless info, also often bulleted:

Born May 28 1978, Gemini, fun loving, chocolate addicted, blah blah blah, and I never know whether I should use the first or third person.

What I guess I can tell you is who I think I am most days, and who I aspire to be, and what this blog is here for. So here it goes.

This blog was born out of desperation to reach out and communicate with those I love.  After moving to Chicago to follow Kyle’s (my husband) career path I felt lonely and deeply isolated.  I resented having to move, and though I talked with friends back home, I never had the courage to unload how I was feeling with them over the phone.  In the days of being able to reach anyone anywhere, thanks to cell phones, and Skype, where you can now talk face to face over long distances, I loved the the shelter that speaking through type over a computer screen afforded me. I didn’t have to hear their reactions, or hesitations in their voices, or see it on their faces.  People could take my feelings, let them absorb for awhile, and formulate a comment. Or they could read it anonymously, and I would never feel rejected because I wouldn’t know if they read it, or not.

My blog became a place to vent, and be introspective.  I think you get a lot of the real me here.  Who is that?  Well, you decide by browsing the posts.  I can tell you I have been truly whittled to my current self from my experiences.  My most challenging ones have been losing a daughter I loved so deeply, who’s beauty is still breathtaking even in memory, facing Autism daily by being the strongest and best mom I can to Elijah, the boy who came after Kate, the one who was supposed to help make it all better, having a largish family of four kids, five and under, moving internationally twice in two years, and working toward organic self-sufficiency on our hobby farm.

My interests vary over time, but you’ll find them in my posts.  Currently they are about nourishing and healing foods, discovering the best ways to manage Elijah’s quirks bio-medically, and through therapeutic means.  Knitting is my other therapy. Deep down I feel like I’m some sort of artist, and knitting lets me create some form of self expression in short mindless bursts.

Characteristically  I strive to be, and I would hope that my friends may agree that I succeed sometimes to be, first of all human, to care and love others, to be understanding, accepting, compassionate, non-judgmental, loyal, available, and  supportive.  To be the type of person you can confide in.  I long mostly to be comfortable in my skin, and like… no, LOVE, who I am.  Though a pessimist by nature I work at its overcoming by trying to force a sunny view.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, tune in for when it doesn’t, I tend to blog most when my world is going to shit.  I long to be open and opinionated, and not care about backlash, or what others think, but I am an un-overcomeable people pleaser, and my heart bruises easily.

I love when a post gets comments. I love them! I should work harder to comment on the blogs I read.  Offering up comments is a form of generosity.  I love knowing that, hey, you read my stuff, and you were either moved by it, agree with it, or you have something for me to think about.  You can disagree, but comments that are hurtful or defamatory, well, you should keep those to yourself,  and move on to other blogs that fit you better, where the writers are thick skinned.

If you can think of something you’d like to know about me, drop it in the comments box, and I’ll get back to you.


Comments on: "About me" (1)

  1. I love your honesty and if it helps to fortify your heart a little; reading what you so thoughtfully offer up to those of us seeking a connection from the annonimity of the Internet, I thank you! I’m also thankful to have found a kindred spirit, with such a soft heart.

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