living after the death of a baby, living with Autism, living as a family of six, living on our organic homestead, living miserably, hopefully, and with joy, and somedays just living

Archive for April, 2010

One way we’re changed.

I love to knit. Today I was sitting in the rocker knitting a sweet blanket for Micah. I could look over and see him sleeping in the cradle 2 meters away. I’m knitting, he’s napping, longer than usual, and I think: If he’s dead I’ll probably be able to finish this in time for the funeral ,so I can wrap him in the coffin with it, and with that thought I become to afraid to go check, instead I stare for what seems for a very long time until I see his cheeks moving in a sucking motion. I breath again.