living after the death of a baby, living with Autism, living as a family of six, living on our organic homestead, living miserably, hopefully, and with joy, and somedays just living

Our best sleeper has become our worst, this morning I sat at the Kitchen table with Natalia watching the snow covered  landscape out my kitchen window turn from violet to twilight blue to winter white.  Drinking my coffee with my littlest one, who doesn’t seem quite so little anymore, got me to thinking about how I could stop time so that I could enjoy moments like these more.  Sure, when crawling out of bed way too early this morning I did not do it with gratefulness, but rather resentment .  Time seems to be moving to quickly, and I get caught up in the bickering, the whining, the wiping of bums, and it’s easy to let a whole day slip by with out seeing the importance of the small moments.

My kids are cute, they say cute things, they do cute things, and they have genuine love in their hearts,  I want to hold on to that before the bitternesses of world harden them.  I often think, oh I should take pictures of this or video tape that.  But I am lost in vanity, I often think her face is too messy, the kitchen is a disaster, he has no pants on, I can’t take pictures of this!  So I’ll have to leave it to memory, and honestly so much gets lost that way,  So maybe, I’ll pull out the video camera to caputre just how Natalia says “I yub you”, messy hair, dirty face, yesterdays shirt, no pants, in the Kitchen where last night dishes still await their turn in the dishwasher, and just enjoy the fact that I have captured her littleness before she seems so big.

For the ones we have here, I am so grateful to watch them grow, I should delight in them more,  record this time more, and care less about appearances, and care more about the fact that they are loved, happy, healthy and here today.

Today, I am grateful, even if I came down to the kitchen to find three Christmas oranges coated in bacon Grease, and had to steam clean the rest of the bacon grease from the couch.  Yes, I am grateful even with clenched teeth

note: this post was written over two days which is why “this morning” I was up with Tal, and walked into the bacon grease surprise.


Comments on: "Sowing the seeds of greatfulness" (1)

  1. Awesome post Erron! It’s so hard to keep everything perfect, I know it, I try to live that life every day and it’s exhausting and I only have *one* child. You are my hero. I remember my Mom ushering us out of the living room because she didn’t want us leaving footprints on her newly vacuumed carpet (it wasn’t even vacuumed, she just ran over the carpet with the vacuum head so it looked nice!) I still bug her about that and bring up Erma Bombeck when she gets all fussy about having things neat and perfect. Here is the poem if you haven’t already seen it.

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